September 1, 2009

The 2008-2009 Hot Dog and Jesus Awards: Day 6

KODJO: Hello, welcome back to the glory that is The Hot Dog and Jesus Awards. Things have gotten a little hectic recently: many people have come and gone to get back in time for school, Terrier Tailgate, and other things more readily available in states not named Alabama.

The show is going on, and wrapping up today. I can't believe it! Right in time for school - we'll get everyone in and out of here right in time for studies.

I'm plenty of excited for it all to continue and wrap up. The suspense is absolutely killing me to know these last awards. So let's just get right into it.

Here to present the next award is man of true brilliance. He is best known for teaching the only class in the country focused on Dance Team Bracketology. In fact, he has a phD in the subject, and is the most qualified human in the field. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Professor Magee:

PROFESSOR: Thank you for the welcome, Kodjo. You summed up my life perfectly. All I truly care about is Dance Team Bracketology - it's the art of dissecting the annual BU Dance Team bracket to predict the perfect bracket. This year, I accidentally took some pills that threw off my predictions. Because of that Hot Dog and the eventual ultimate predictor of the tournament, ZalmanB, were more accurate in their selections than I was.

However, I still have a degree in the subject - they do not. Because of this I'm here to present the award to the ultimate winner of the Dance Team Tournament. Here were the Final Four members:

Emily Plucinak

Rachel Scott

Gia Russo

Nicole Farin

The winner of the Dance Team Tournament, it isn't much of a surprise now, but drumroll baby, take it away:

The winner is....EMILY PLUCINAK!!!

EMILY: Thank you to all my fans. It's hard putting the ASS in fantASStic, but I'm glad I got some recognition for it. Thanks Hot Dog and Jesus, especially you Jesus, for some wonderful times at this school. I'll always be a Terrier!

KODJO: Damn, that girl's lookin' goooooooooooooooooooood. I'm just tryin' to contain myself up here. Not easy, not easy.

Here to present our next award is the BU-proclaimed biggest Terrier fan. Obviously, that's questionable, but nonetheless, has to be accepted for now. He put his classes and studies aside and went to more BU sporting events than anyone else at the school. I think there were some slight shenanigans involved, but at this point, why fight it?

To some he's known as Popcorn man because of his outfit, to others he's brochure guy because of his infamous appearance on the cover of the inaugural Terrier Rewards brochure, but to me he's Greg. Give it up for Greg:

GREG: THANK YOU, KODJO. You're smile motivates me. I saw some things this year - some things no one would want to see and that no one actually did see. I'm talking about women's hockey. I don't care if no one else was there - I lived it and I have that over all of you! *Points viciously at the crowd.* I also saw some things, so ugly, it's hard to speak of - I'm talking about the Detroit Football Lions. You see, I'm a fan, and the way I see it, having to watch an 0-16 season was the price I had to pay to see a National Championship. Also, I decided to sport my facial hair in every form possible until the Lions won. That never happened, but boy, did I have some stories to tell about this kind face.

There were some other bad, bad losses though. Here they are, the nominees for worst loss this past year:

BU women's basketball loss in the AE final to Vermont

BU men's basketball blowout loss to Holy Cross

BU men's basketball loss in the AE quarterfinal to UMBC

BU women's lacrosse loss in the NCAA tournament to Syracuse

BU men's soccer in the NCAA tournament to St. John's

GREG: These all suck! Why are we even awarding any of these. Awful ideas by you both Hot Dog and Jesus. You suck! I said it, you suck. I'll present this stupid award though.

Drumroll babyyyyyyy:

The winner, or loser, however you want to think of it, is....WOMEN'S BASKETBALL TO VERMONT!! What a crushing defeat when we were so close to glory *Greg begins crying on stage as Coach Kelly Greenberg comes up to accept the award.*

GREENBERG: This loss was truly detrimental, but at least we got something for it. Thanks Hot Dog and Jesus, see you next year.

KODJO: Quick, efficient, and to the point. Thanks Coach, and I'm even feeling sorry right now. Like Greg said, what an awful award. Rethink that one, and your lives Hot Dog and Jesus.

*Hot Dog and Jesus come out on stage.*

HD: Woah, woah, Kodjo that's a little harsh don't you think?

JESUS: Yeah, come on, man. We thought you were better than ripping into the dudes who are paying you on stage at their own awards show.

KODJO: You right, you right fellas. I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you.

HD: Well, that hurt Kodjo. I expect talk like that from other people, namely our last host, who is now dead, but from you, I thought differently.

KODJO: Here, let me make it up. You stay there, Imma present this next award.

JESUS: NO! We want someone else to present this next one. It's one of the most important of the entire show. Come on out here Rhett.

*Rhett walks out on stage, trying to get the crowd pumped. It's not really working though.*

JESUS: Do your thing, Rhett.

RHETT: *Begins trying to speak, but it's far too muffled and inaudible to understand. The crowd gets the understanding that he's trying to present hottest athlete, because of his body gyrations and the way he is dry humping the stage. The nominees appear on the big screen behind the stage.*:

Jenny Taft - Women's Lacrosse

Courtney Gardner - Women's Track and Field

Elizabeth Corrao - Women's Tennis

Xan Weitzel - Women's Lacrosse

Rachel Klein - Women's Lacrosse

RHETT: *Again, muffled* Wish there were more nominees.................not cool...............want more...............drumroll baby:

RHETT: Winner......................XAN WEITZEL.............OH.................EM...............GEE:

*Xan comes on stage and strikes seductive, animal poses. The crowd is starting to get turned on as some of Xan's teammates join her. It's been quite a show for the lacrosse team.*

XAN: Thanks ya'll. It takes a lot of work to look this good!

JESUS: Ya damn right. Looking that good is an art, and clearly deserving of recognition. Easily teh most competitive category and the longest debated award Hot Dog and I had to decide.

HD: What we didn't have to debate for very long were the awards for the next three categories. It should be pretty obvious what they are.

JESUS: Really, these were no contest - not contest to the point we didn't even bother nominating anyone else. This occurance was head and shoulder far above any other moment in the past year.

HD: In case you're still trying to figure it out, we're talking about the National Championship - the fifth in the school's storied history.
JESUS: A National Championship doesn't happen like an America East championship. It's a rare thing and we actually got to witness one.

HD: It's impossible to forget it. I won't ever, especially after Jesus and I got tatted up to remember it.

*Hot Dog and Jesus flash matching tattoos of the Frozen Four logo.*

JESUS: No we won't. Folks the BU men's ice hockey team is receiving three awards right now. One for Best Team, one for Best Game, and of course one for the Best Win.

*The entire hockey team comes on stage, in full gear, and strikes nearly an identical pose to what they did after winning it all.*

PARKER: This is special. It tops everything accomplished off completely. A great year that can't be forgotten. Thank you fans, thank you Hot Dog and Jesus.

KODJO: There's no better way to end an awards ceremony other than abruptly. We covered a great year and award the moments, players, and teams that deserved to be remembered. I had a great time, Hot Dog and Jesus had a great time, I hope you all did too.

The 2009-2010 athletic season is upon us. Let's enjoy it and cheer all our Terrier teams on. I hope they can all win HD&J Awards next year. Until next time, I'm Kodjo Wilder, signing off from the 2008-2009 Hot Dog and Jesus Awards. Drive home safely.

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