September 29, 2009

Binghamton: A Zoo (UPDATE X3)

So, since our last post on Mr. Tiki Mayben, the Binghamton University basketball program has pretty much imploded into itself.

It's truly awful, not just for the school, but for the entire conference and honestly at this point I don't see how or even why Binghamton would continue with a men's basketball season this year - at this point, how is it worth it?

Let's rehash:

1. Miladin Kovacevic - the Serbian basketball player was kicked off the team prior to almost killing another Binghamton student. Apparently, according to one of our comments, a fight broke out over some girls in an off campus bar. Once the student fell to the ground several people kicked him leading to his injuries, not only Milo. Regardless, this led to the young man's coma. Milo fled the country. So began the long string of Binghamton University incidents.

2. Malik Alvin - my personal favorite from the Binghamton saga - Malik didn't want to spend money on condoms. He didn't even want to accept free condoms the school hands out. He wanted to make a scene. Maybe. Regardless, Malik attempted to steal a box of MAGNUM condoms from Wal-Mart. As he was sprinting out of Wal-Mart he barreled over a 66-year old woman, concussing her in the process. He later met the woman, apologized, and did some hardcore community service. No word on whether or not he used the stolen love gloves.

3. Sexual Harrasment in the Athletic Department - in early July a BU booster, Elizabeth Williams, sued the school's athletic department stating that Senior Associate Athletic Director Jason Siegel and Assistant Athletic Director for Development Chris Lewis tried to use her as a sexual "plaything" to ply big donors, and that university officials took punitive measures against her once she reported the alleged harassment. That just ain't cool. "Among Williams' allegations is a claim that before an alumni gathering in New York City early this year, Siegel instructed her to dress provocatively and use her sexuality as a 'business tactic.'"

4. Tiki Mayben - last week Tiki was arrested for possessing and selling cocaine. When he was arrested he had drugs on him. Apparently, Tiki sold cocaine twice in June 29. He paid $20,000 to be released from jail in Troy, NY and later pleaded not guilty to the charges. What has been buried in this was his arrest for marijuana possession just one week prior to the coke charges. For that he was supsended from the team (previously unreported ANYWHERE) and the thing that pushed it over the top was the coke.

5. Bye-bye, Binghamton Five - there hasn't been a reason given yet, but there are rumors. Let me tell you a little story - one of two "holy shit" moments of this off season for me. The first I already described was while I was sitting in my car outside the Wachovia Center in Philadelphia. This incident came while I was sitting in a production truck at Yankee stadium.

I had been traveling from Boston to New York to work the Red Sox - Yankees game last Friday. I didn't have internet during any of my travels, but once I arrived in the production truck I checked to see what I had missed in regards to the Binghamton action. It was the second "holy shit" moment of my summer.

Self-proclaimed superstar, DJ Rivera, Malik Alvin, new transfer Corey Chanlder, Paul Crosby, and David Fine were all kicked off the team. No reason given.

What I've heard is that this particular incident has become a federal investigation because of credit card fraud.

No wonder they didn't schedule a Bracketbuster game this year.

------------------------


Seen enough yet? It's pretty disgusting, isn't it? But this is what happens when so many questionable characters are 1. running the athletic department 2. recruiting 3. getting recruited. This is what happens.

When players, fans, coaches, media, anyone looks up in the Binghamton Events Center and sees the 2008-09 America East championship banner they will not think of the team that defied expectations last season. They'll think of the kids who threw away their opportunity. They won't think of their shots made, they'll think of the crimes committed. The season is tarnished forever and that is a shame. It really is.

When Binghamton comes to town in Boston I am not going to heckle their players. If they're still on the team they've done something right. However there are two men who will get no mercy. I will kick them repeatedly when they are down for what they've done to the school and to the conference. In my opinion these two men are mostly responsible for what has happened:

Athletic Director Joel Thirer and men's head basketball coach Kevin Broadus. They've let this thing blow up to what it is. When people hear "Binghamton" they don't first think America East championship. People first think "criminal activity."

Jackasses

Kevin Broadus took an avenue not many coaches take - he recruited troubled individuals with very questionable pasts. It was a shortcut to an America East championship. Was it worth it? And the AD allowed all of it to happen. Was it worth it?

And to not know about some of the things going on in the team? How can you not know your starting point guard has an issue with cocaine? How do you not realize that some of your players are spending more money than they might have (still a rumor)? How do you let players with terrible track records mess up over and over again and expect a change?

On top of all this, the way the school has handled every issue is completely contradictory. They'll say one thing and do another. They'll report one incident and then completely blow off another saying it's not their policy to report things.

New York Times writer Pete Thamel was dead on. He first questioned the ethics and integrity of the school and program back in February. Did anyone know he wasn't actually acting on his own bias and that he was actually so extremely correct?

Quite honestly, I'm sick and tired of this school and how they've gone about doing business in the conference.

The BU Hoops blog summed up most of my feelings pretty well in their piece on the topic:

Everybody else in the conference knew Broadus was taking shortcuts in building his program. So screw him. There's no being torn about how to treat Binghamton when we play them. These assholes are the defending champs. Their dirtbag coach brings in questionable character guys as a shortcut to win. And their fans were incredible d-bags about it. They loved Broadus when he was winning games with these guys. Now they reap what Broadus sowed. Frankly I'm embarrassed our school is associated with them. No mercy.
Love the honesty, fellas. Love it.

There are some people in Binghamton who are lightening the mood. Kind of. The Binghamton Zoo! As some of you may or may not know the Binghamton fan section is called the Zoo, which I find ironic already. Beyond that Joel Thirer referred to the situation saying, "
truthfully, if I'm the president? Who's running the zoo?" A big no-no. This prompted the Binghamton Zoo's (wait, they have a zoo there?) manager to send this message:

Comparison insults zoo
September 29, 2009

I am tired of hearing that blight on Binghamton University, the men's basketball team, being referred to as a "zoo." The Binghamton Zoo at Ross Park has just received re-accreditation by the Association of Zoos and Aquariums, the industry's governing authority. We achieved this status by being in the top 10 percent of all the zoos in the country.

Our animal care, safety, employees and educational and service standards are set high and met accordingly. Not one of our tigers has been arrested with cocaine. No otter knocks over old ladies to shoplift condoms. Our bear doesn't have temper tantrums and storm off his exhibit. You won't find any of our lemurs busted for smoking pot. So, please, stop insulting zoos by comparing those criminals to us.

Amanda J. Padwa
Business Manager
Binghamton Zoo
Obviously a tiger can't do coke! It has no thumbs!

This made a headline/separate write-up from Deadspin. You know, that's never good. My personal favorite quote by them:

Because Binghamton's basketball team is comprised of many African-Americans, Thirer's zoo imagery dances dangerously close to casual racism

*sigh*

I'm exhausted from all this. Really. Also, a bit disgusted, and pretty ready for Binghamton to come to Boston.

And seriously, if you're trying to defend this program or school - stop. Why would you? This is as wretched as it gets on this level and in no way has anything they've done been close to respectable much less defensible.

If you're Binghamton here's what I think you do: clear all the people out of Vestal, burn it to the ground, and start over. Your school and reputation are so f-ing f-ed.

UPDATE: I wish swine flu upon everyone making decisions at Binghamton.

Something I forgot to include in the infractions at Binghamton was the texting-in-class/grade changing incident.

Professor Sally Dear -- yes, the one who alleged last year that she was pressured to change her grading standards in support of the basketball team -- has been notified that she will be non-renewed for the spring semester.

Dear also noted that the players constantly texted in class (honestly though, who doesn't), but the thing that sent it over the top was how administration asked her to change her standards.

Now she's gone. She was a tenured professor and possibly because she didn't change grades she lost her job.

Go off yourself, Binghamton.

YOU'RE FIRING THE WRONG PEOPLE!

UPDATE: AD Thirer has resigned from his position, only to take a new one in the Provost's office. Wonderful. Now just waiting on Broadus, however, part of me wants him to stay just so there is an America East punching bag to have my way with.

UPDATE: They reinstated Sally Dear, the fired Bing professor. ASS-BACKWARDS in New York.

What the Off?

Two things have made me say, "what the off?" recently.

1. The banner raising.

Come on, BU. COME ON!

I really thought Agganis was better than this, but they aren't. The freaking aren't! I know there are monetary motives and reasons I won't ever be able to understand, but having the National Championship banner raising ceremony on October 10th, before an EXHIBITION GAME AGAINST A BUNCH OF 18 YEAR OLDS doesn't work for me and most of the scarlet and white faithful!

BU put out the greatest team that's ever played at BU and to pay them back we're going to honor them before an exhibition game?

This isn't right because A) exhibition games don't matter B) people are being forced to go to Agganis on a Saturday night for a game that doesn't matter.


I think everyone was pumped, ready, and happy that the banners were going up in the official home opener against Notre Dame as it was first stated in various Agganis emails. It doesn't get more marquee than that, plus the mind-f that you do to Notre Dame, who got bumped first round in the tournament last year.

Nope, Agganis would rather try to rake in more money at an exhibition game than honor a team that deserves more respect for this.

And everyone always tells me Jack Parker has final say on all decisions in Agganis/the hockey team, but something is telling me this wasn't entirely backed by him. All I have to say is, what the off?

EDIT: Word is Paker is superstitious about the date, October 20th. So there ya go. See the comments for someone owning me/putting me in place in regards to that.

2. Miami (OH) is #1 in the USA Today poll, but BU gets more first place votes?

This didn't make me go, "what the off?" as much, but still, come on. COME ON.

BU got 12 first place votes, Denver got 13, and Miami received 4. However, with all the other votes factoring in Miami is ranked #1, Denver 2, BU 3.

Preseason rankings don't mean anything. Especially in hockey. Last year I think BU was ranked #9 in preseason. I believe Miami was ranked eighth.

So according to that logic, 8/9 in the final, North Dakota and Princetown will play in the NCAA championship. You heard it here first.

At least BU is ranked ten ahead of BC, but still, what the off?

Oh snap, preseason hockey starts Saturday. See you next week, when I HAVE TO BE THERE to see a banner raising.

Sam Perkins At It Again

So the big development with everyone's second favorite America East blogger (behind us, of course) is his newest blog. A concept I haven't even fathomed, and I can't think of anyone else thinking of, Sam Perkins is tackling a demographic that has in the past been untackled.

As you know, Sam is one of, if not the only writers who dedicates a lot of time to the America East. For that I give him endless amounts of respect, despite what he might call me on my Facebook.

Anyways, Sam's new blog is called Far From the Show and it covers minor league, independent, and overseas professional athletics. He's already done a piece on Stijn Dhond, BU '02 - a player I missed who played during Dennis Wolff's glory days. Wait a minute, DW had glory days? Who knew?

The blog's worth a read, especially if you're trying to get pumped for basketball season and the potential of BU's first visit to a big-time dance since Dhond played in Boston. Check it out!

September 24, 2009

John Holland Fights the Good Fight


Tonight John Holland came up to me at the women's soccer game with some BIG NEWS. That big news is something he'd like to share with all of you.


I was skeptical as to what it would be about when he told me he had a blog, but upon checking it out, I have to say I AM PUMPED.

Hopefully there isn't any mention of illegal, illicit activities like drug dealing and what not. We don't need any Tiki Maybens, ya know?

Oh, and that ridiculously awesome picture that just gets me pumped up about BU basketball looking at it is courtesy of Bongoman himself, Max Esposito. If you want him to do work for you, you let me know and I'll hook it up. Trust me, he knows his ish.

That's Why We Call Them The Binghamton Thugcats

You know, one mishap I can understand. Two it starts to get questionable. Three though. Three?! We're talking not just little stuff like they cheated on a test - we're talking about FELONIES.

I am talking about the Binghamton BearThugcats men's basketball team.

In the last three years they have been the ugly face of controversy in the America East, with stories that have garnered national media attention.

Two years ago their Serbian ex-center nearly killed a man, then fled the country. Last year one of their guards stole Magnum condoms from a Wal-mart and ran over a 66-year old woman in the process, putting her in a coma. And now, they're starting point guard, who proudly adorned a uni-brow, was arrested yesterday for DEALING AND POSSESSING COCAINE.

I remind you these people were recruited and at one point in their lives all considered to be good choices for scholarship D-1 athletes.


Yesterday, Tiki Mayben all but guaranteed that the Boston University men's basketball team would be favored as the preseason favorites. Binghamton definitely would've made a strong push had Mayben chosen not to be part of this drug ring.

This was Mayben's second/third and last chance. He had many opportunities in the past at both Syracuse, UMass, and now Binghamton. He blew it all and in the process really screwed over his team. Binghamton will still compete, but they certainly won't be the threat they were considered to be with Mayben running point.

He went from playing Duke in the first round of the NCAA tournament last season to potentially (and probably) watching the games from behind bars. A sad end to a college basketball career. And at this point someone really does need to question what the Bing coaching staff has been doing? How do you let your starting point guard deal drugs right under your nose (no pun intended) and on top of that have all these incidents happen THREE YEARS IN A ROW?


I won't remember him most for dealing drugs. Actually, I might, but I think I'll remember him for calling me a "bi*ch" from the bench at a 2006 men's basketball game because I pointed out his uni-brow. Cheers, Tiki!

September 23, 2009

Oh, That's Right, I Have a Blog

School has started, which means that I've neglected my own blog for too long! I looked and saw the last post I had was more than a week ago. Talk about unacceptable. Someone better email me next time something like this happens.

When BU sports lose and have tough losses it gets harder and harder for me to write about, which is why for my first post in a long while I'm going to write about something completely non-sports related.

During the HD&J Awards Band Director Chris Parks sent me an email (while he was still in Montgomery) saying how much he enjoyed the awards ceremony, and in exchange for our kind hospitality, he was inviting us (and a few others) to a taping of Wheel of Fortune. How/why? BDCP and the BU band was tabbed as the house band for the show's taping of college week - 3 weeks worth of shows filmed in 3 days. Gotta love show business!

So, the Loyal Crew and I made a trip out of it. We took three different MBTA lines all the way to the Boston Convention Center (not Hynes) and waited in a huge, long line to enter the set of WOF. Luckily, BDCP hooked us up with some VIP tickets.

We cut the line, but still got screwed with seating - we were parked all the way to the right of the stage, not even in the vicinity of the stage and with terribly obstructed views.

We suffered through Pat Sajak's attempts at comedy, while the real comedian was this dude from Cornell. Talk about awkward - I kid you not - he guessed a letter that literally sounded like he said "owl" and Pat Sajak hesitated and moved on to the next contestant - a BC undergrad who we boo-ed every time she got one right and cheered on every wrong answer.

Somehow, someway, this (boarderline slow human) Cornell student made it to the final, losing it all.

The BU band played loudly and proudly. Rhett was on hand along with some dance teamers and cheerleaders.


You can look for our episode on November 12 and 13.

I bounced after the first taping because I just couldn't take it anymore. Apparently, some of the other Loyal Crew that stayed moved up and to better seats and got a lot of camera time.

That's what happens though when you have LFSD:

<3 you Luc.

September 14, 2009

The Story of BU Athletic's Weekend



After dropping men's soccer at Harvard, women's soccer in UConn, field hockey vs. BC, field hockey at Northeastern, and women's soccer against Penn State all of that was TOTALLY REDEEMED last night on Nickerson.

BU men's soccer took down St. John's 1-0 and finally got revenge for ending Jon Jonsson's career. Job well done, fellas.

September 9, 2009

We may not have football, but we do have field hockey

For this reason and this reason alone I propose hardcore tailgating on Saturday at 1 p.m. This Saturday.

BU will play BC in the second match (across all sports) of the season between the schools. Not much of a home contest since it's at Jack Barry Field on the MIT campus. Regardless of this, BU's home, and hopefully gonna win.

The school will be providing non-stop bus transport to and from Jack Barry Field on Saturday from 12-4pm. The shuttle will make stops on Comm Ave. at Agganis Arena, GSU and Warren Towers.

In addition free burgers will be provided at Jack Barry Field by Rhett's at the GSU. Free beer provided by the Hot Dog (school ID necessary).

Oh, there is a bright side about not playing home games at BU - you can get away with yelling pretty much whatever you want because there's no Alan:


This is an event. I hope to get there at 9 a.m. Rock a little cornhole, ladder golf, beer pong - you name it. I haven't ever had a legit Saturday morning tailgate. It's about time. Go Leslie Zules!

Mmmmmm


BU FĂștbol looks good

According to Goterriers.com there were 369 people in attendance for a soccer game that wasn't Terrier Tailgate. That's gotta be a new BU record. I really think for once BU didn't count the players, workers, and referees in attendance. I don't even think they counted all the (probably) freshmen standing in the Bakery in the south end of the Nick.

If you haven't ever played flag football you probably don't know that the Bakery is the place to go if you're A. a freshman B. trying to get high C. looking to get caught by cops.

The bakery is 420-friendly. And the last game they even got into cheers. So proud of them.


On Monday BU curbstomped Providence College and continued their dominance of their opponents not named UMass. BU improved to 2-0-1 on the season and helped make their case for a higher ranking than their current #14.

Big things are a-happening on Sunday when BU hosts #4 St. John's. You'll remember it was St. John's that ended Jon Jonsson's collegiate career last year, so the team will no doubt be looking for redemption.

Before this monumental test on Sunday BU has to go to Harvard to play Harvard - not ranked, but received six votes in the National poll.

I'm telling you, this BU team has some promise. They crushed PC (nothing to be overly proud of) without Shaun Taylor. The chemistry from defense to the strikers looks good - Bustamante is a clear danger to the opposition if he gets in the open field or gets a defender one-on-one. Buerbe looks much improved from last year, Aaron O'Neal is shooting with incredibly accuracy, I've never seen Sammy play with such poise and control, and Richy Dorman seems like he's all over the field.


Oh and we have Hrafn still in what must be his seventh year (at least it feels like) in net.

Factor in the youngbloods who have been holding their own, a set of twins (Shea's) that are mistake free thus far this season, and then bring back Shaun Taylor, who as I've said before, is the most intimidating human being at BU. This team has promise - not just America East promise - National promise.

I can't wait to see what this team has in store. It was FUN watching them, which I hope will continue to bring fans out to Nickerson.

As I stated, that next game is on Sunday night at 7 p.m. against St. John's. It's Dirty Laundry night so the first 100 students in attendance get a coupon for 10 pounds of laundry to be cleaned and delivered courtesy of Lazybones. You'll remember they did this at two different BU basketball games. The service was so good Mr. and Mrs. Hot Dog forced me to purchase a weekly package this semester. SCREW DOING MY OWN LAUNDRY.


BU Soccer: I can't wait to watch you in action again.

Athletes are athletic

I had the honor to partake in the annual athlete kickball tournament. Obviously, I'm not an athlete, just look at me:


Yes, those are pencil-thin arms. I fight with my mouth, not my hands. But really, the bottom line is I'm a lover not a fighter.

Anyways, I was on a sick team - team 2:

Brad Castranova
Ryan Dowd
Hotdog
Jennifer Fleser
Emily Roesch
Yicaho mark
Caitlyn Webb (BEAST AT PITCHER)
Rachel Moeller
Sarah Doersam

Obviously, as you can tell, we ran sh**. For one game. Then we ran into the unstoppable force that is team 8. However, in the finals team 8 met team 6. The game ended in a tie. How you ask? It got dark and Alan Weinberger laid down the law again, kicking everyone off the field!

SICK, BRO

Anyways, three days later I'm still more sore than I've ever been in my life. My legs ache, my arms are throbbing, and I haven't been able to sleep right since. I don't know how these BU athletes do it day after day with stuff like lifting and practice and then, Jesus, games?!

I commend you athletes and will continue to voice/show my support.


Big ups to HD&J award winner, Krystyn McIntyre for putting the whole thing together. Such a positive beast on everyone's life at BU. Keep it up, K-Mac.

September 3, 2009

ALAN WEINBERGER IN ACTION

I missed Splash this year and today I found out that I missed out on what would have been the best Splash ever.

If you haven't heard, a propane fire caused three successive explosions of the Kosher food stand. The first one on the scene - well, after the fire truck - you better believe it, was Alan Weinberger.

There's no doubt you know Alan as long as you've yelled anything at any Case/Nickerson event. You so much as open you mouth and Alan's on you harder than girls on Flute Guy. He runs a clean ship (or tries to) at sporting events and I know he intends on keeping it that way. I wonder how he'll react when I bring my 6 ft' inflatable male genitalia into Case?



Anyways, Alan was right in there for all the action as firemen hosed down those poor, uneaten hot dogs.

If you look closely you can see Alan in EVERYONE of these pictures, courtesy of Darryl Deluca. I gotta say, DD is great with that camera. He's captured some of my greatest memories while at this school and I highly recommend going one of his BU rooftop tours.

Here you go:








He's in there somewhere!



Then, wait for it.........



wait for it..........






BAM!

If Alan ever gets a Facebook, this picture better be his first and only default.

Alan kept things under control - just look at how casual he looks in all the pics. Job well done, Alan. Now, don't kick me out when I come close to fighting UNH fathers ;-) I'll let you fight with me.

September 1, 2009

The 2008-2009 Hot Dog and Jesus Awards: Day 6

KODJO: Hello, welcome back to the glory that is The Hot Dog and Jesus Awards. Things have gotten a little hectic recently: many people have come and gone to get back in time for school, Terrier Tailgate, and other things more readily available in states not named Alabama.


The show is going on, and wrapping up today. I can't believe it! Right in time for school - we'll get everyone in and out of here right in time for studies.

I'm plenty of excited for it all to continue and wrap up. The suspense is absolutely killing me to know these last awards. So let's just get right into it.

Here to present the next award is man of true brilliance. He is best known for teaching the only class in the country focused on Dance Team Bracketology. In fact, he has a phD in the subject, and is the most qualified human in the field. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Professor Magee:

PROFESSOR: Thank you for the welcome, Kodjo. You summed up my life perfectly. All I truly care about is Dance Team Bracketology - it's the art of dissecting the annual BU Dance Team bracket to predict the perfect bracket. This year, I accidentally took some pills that threw off my predictions. Because of that Hot Dog and the eventual ultimate predictor of the tournament, ZalmanB, were more accurate in their selections than I was.

However, I still have a degree in the subject - they do not. Because of this I'm here to present the award to the ultimate winner of the Dance Team Tournament. Here were the Final Four members:

Emily Plucinak

Rachel Scott

Gia Russo

Nicole Farin

The winner of the Dance Team Tournament, it isn't much of a surprise now, but drumroll baby, take it away:


The winner is....EMILY PLUCINAK!!!

EMILY: Thank you to all my fans. It's hard putting the ASS in fantASStic, but I'm glad I got some recognition for it. Thanks Hot Dog and Jesus, especially you Jesus, for some wonderful times at this school. I'll always be a Terrier!

KODJO: Damn, that girl's lookin' goooooooooooooooooooood. I'm just tryin' to contain myself up here. Not easy, not easy.

Here to present our next award is the BU-proclaimed biggest Terrier fan. Obviously, that's questionable, but nonetheless, has to be accepted for now. He put his classes and studies aside and went to more BU sporting events than anyone else at the school. I think there were some slight shenanigans involved, but at this point, why fight it?

To some he's known as Popcorn man because of his outfit, to others he's brochure guy because of his infamous appearance on the cover of the inaugural Terrier Rewards brochure, but to me he's Greg. Give it up for Greg:

GREG: THANK YOU, KODJO. You're smile motivates me. I saw some things this year - some things no one would want to see and that no one actually did see. I'm talking about women's hockey. I don't care if no one else was there - I lived it and I have that over all of you! *Points viciously at the crowd.* I also saw some things, so ugly, it's hard to speak of - I'm talking about the Detroit Football Lions. You see, I'm a fan, and the way I see it, having to watch an 0-16 season was the price I had to pay to see a National Championship. Also, I decided to sport my facial hair in every form possible until the Lions won. That never happened, but boy, did I have some stories to tell about this kind face.


There were some other bad, bad losses though. Here they are, the nominees for worst loss this past year:


BU women's basketball loss in the AE final to Vermont

BU men's basketball blowout loss to Holy Cross

BU men's basketball loss in the AE quarterfinal to UMBC

BU women's lacrosse loss in the NCAA tournament to Syracuse

BU men's soccer in the NCAA tournament to St. John's

GREG: These all suck! Why are we even awarding any of these. Awful ideas by you both Hot Dog and Jesus. You suck! I said it, you suck. I'll present this stupid award though.

Drumroll babyyyyyyy:


The winner, or loser, however you want to think of it, is....WOMEN'S BASKETBALL TO VERMONT!! What a crushing defeat when we were so close to glory *Greg begins crying on stage as Coach Kelly Greenberg comes up to accept the award.*

GREENBERG: This loss was truly detrimental, but at least we got something for it. Thanks Hot Dog and Jesus, see you next year.

KODJO: Quick, efficient, and to the point. Thanks Coach, and I'm even feeling sorry right now. Like Greg said, what an awful award. Rethink that one, and your lives Hot Dog and Jesus.

*Hot Dog and Jesus come out on stage.*

HD: Woah, woah, Kodjo that's a little harsh don't you think?

JESUS: Yeah, come on, man. We thought you were better than ripping into the dudes who are paying you on stage at their own awards show.

KODJO: You right, you right fellas. I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you.

HD: Well, that hurt Kodjo. I expect talk like that from other people, namely our last host, who is now dead, but from you, I thought differently.

KODJO: Here, let me make it up. You stay there, Imma present this next award.

JESUS: NO! We want someone else to present this next one. It's one of the most important of the entire show. Come on out here Rhett.

*Rhett walks out on stage, trying to get the crowd pumped. It's not really working though.*

JESUS: Do your thing, Rhett.

RHETT: *Begins trying to speak, but it's far too muffled and inaudible to understand. The crowd gets the understanding that he's trying to present hottest athlete, because of his body gyrations and the way he is dry humping the stage. The nominees appear on the big screen behind the stage.*:

Jenny Taft - Women's Lacrosse

Courtney Gardner - Women's Track and Field

Elizabeth Corrao - Women's Tennis

Xan Weitzel - Women's Lacrosse

Rachel Klein - Women's Lacrosse

RHETT: *Again, muffled* Wish there were more nominees.................not cool...............want more...............drumroll baby:


RHETT: Winner......................XAN WEITZEL.............OH.................EM...............GEE:

*Xan comes on stage and strikes seductive, animal poses. The crowd is starting to get turned on as some of Xan's teammates join her. It's been quite a show for the lacrosse team.*

XAN: Thanks ya'll. It takes a lot of work to look this good!

JESUS: Ya damn right. Looking that good is an art, and clearly deserving of recognition. Easily teh most competitive category and the longest debated award Hot Dog and I had to decide.

HD: What we didn't have to debate for very long were the awards for the next three categories. It should be pretty obvious what they are.

JESUS: Really, these were no contest - not contest to the point we didn't even bother nominating anyone else. This occurance was head and shoulder far above any other moment in the past year.

HD: In case you're still trying to figure it out, we're talking about the National Championship - the fifth in the school's storied history.
JESUS: A National Championship doesn't happen like an America East championship. It's a rare thing and we actually got to witness one.

HD: It's impossible to forget it. I won't ever, especially after Jesus and I got tatted up to remember it.

*Hot Dog and Jesus flash matching tattoos of the Frozen Four logo.*


JESUS: No we won't. Folks the BU men's ice hockey team is receiving three awards right now. One for Best Team, one for Best Game, and of course one for the Best Win.

*The entire hockey team comes on stage, in full gear, and strikes nearly an identical pose to what they did after winning it all.*

PARKER: This is special. It tops everything accomplished off completely. A great year that can't be forgotten. Thank you fans, thank you Hot Dog and Jesus.

KODJO: There's no better way to end an awards ceremony other than abruptly. We covered a great year and award the moments, players, and teams that deserved to be remembered. I had a great time, Hot Dog and Jesus had a great time, I hope you all did too.

The 2009-2010 athletic season is upon us. Let's enjoy it and cheer all our Terrier teams on. I hope they can all win HD&J Awards next year. Until next time, I'm Kodjo Wilder, signing off from the 2008-2009 Hot Dog and Jesus Awards. Drive home safely.