August 24, 2009

The 2008-2009 Hot Dog and Jesus Awards: Day 2

KODJO: Ayo, welcome back to the Hot Dog and Jesus Awards. We're in full swing now, working on our second day of award-giving-out. Yesterday, personally, was very enjoyable for me. I got to see a cloned, mini version of the band director, I performed a Michael Jackson tribute, and of course I techno raved with Lil' Wayne. Let me tell you, if you happened to leave during the techno rave, you missed out on something special. That HD and J, my goodness do they know how to techno rave.

Oh snap, check out red carpet action from earlier - it was poppin' off!

Let's get right to our awards, because that's what we're all here for. Today's first presenter is a man you all know and love. For the lucky few of you he was the head of Security at Boston University. You witnessed an orientation presentation that no doubt stayed in your mind forever and ever. He's now the assistant Dean and kicking major ass in the process....ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Darryl Deluca:

DELUCA: Thank you for that warm introduction Kodjo. I'll have you know, I do not condone the use of such wretched language. I know your mother raised you better than that and I expect at 400-word written apology in my office by 7 am tomorrow.

I am serious.

Just as serious as I am about false identification cards.

*Pulls out extremely large burlap sack. Unties the top of the sack and turns it over letting thousands upond thousands of fake IDs spill out onto the stage. It seems endless. Deluca begins talking over the sound of IDs raining down on the stage.*

False identification cards. They're just as illegal as killing a man. Even if you use it on accident, it's just as bad as killing a man by accident. Ask Donte Stallworth, one of the greats. False identification cards (he uses a thicker Massachusets accent than usual) don't you dare even think of using one. You will get caught, you will go to jail, you will suffer what ever prisoner suffers from....hepatitis and death.

Consider this your warning.

I'm here today to present a couple people who I know have used false identification cahhhhds at one point in their life. This must be a contributing factor into why they are all nominated for the Hot Dog and Jesus' most hated athlete award. Here are those nominees:

Matt Wolff - basketball - Boston University

Marqus Blakely - basketball - Vermont

DJ Rivera - basketball - Binghamton

May Kotsopoulos - basketball - Vermont

Carter Hutton - hockey - UMass-Lowell

Five dispicable human beings, but only one can hold the title of the worst person on the earth, I mean, the most hated athlete in 2008-2009. If I could I would award them all, and the subsequentially punish them.

Drumroll baby, you know what to do:

The winner, for the Hot Dog and Jesus most hated athlete is....CARTER HUTTON. Come on up here you sick, sick human being:

CARTER: Wow. What can I say? HUTTON RULES! I feel so happy that I'm hated so much. Where are Hot Dog and Jesus? Oh, there you are *Points at Hot Dog and Jesus who are lurking backstage. Saltues them with two middle fingers. Security runs on stage before Hutton can do anymore and drags him away from the microphone as he shouts profanity.*

KODJO: Well, what an a-hole, but as you can see very deserving of the award. If you care to know, security is going to take him out back, punish him with some punches and possible kicks to the genitalia, because the award winner for that prize doesn't have any leway on stage, like I do, or our next presenter. He's the complete opposite of Carter Hutton, he was a temporary host at last year's awards...Mr. Colton Bozigian:

COLTON: Thank you Kodjo. I lived in all my glory in my four years at Boston University. I'm sad to say that I've moved on from college, graduating, and am attempting to enter the workforce. I'm hoping my appearance here will lead to something, cause I nayde a job. NAYDE.

I made it a personal mission to make sure the incoming freshman were always comfortable upon entering the university. I saw myself as an attractive older brother to all of those who considered themselves a Terrier, which is why I'm here to present the award for Rookie of the Year. Here are the nominees:

Emily Roesch - softball

Victor Sapnoari - hockey

Kieran Millan - hockey

Jeff Pelage - basketball

Michael Bustamante - soccer

Drumroll baby - do work:

The winner is....oh, this bro! KIERAN MILLAN. Come on up and get this piece Kieran.

*Kieran approaches the stage with his friend, who happens to be a girl*

KIERAN: I'm going to keep this short and sweet, eh? I want to thank Hot Dog and Jesus, eh, and all my fans a supporters, eh. It was a great year and I want to repeat with a Championship or a Hot Dog and Jesus award next year, eh?

KODJO: Thanks to both our lovely presenter and award winner. Thanks to everyone for being here. This is indeed a special event. I know you want more awards, and I'm gonna just straight up give them to you. The next presenter is one near and dear to the Hot Dog and Jesus. He made amazing arangements to get back here for this event...ladies and gentlemen, get on your feet for TOM MORROW:

TOM: Thank you black man. I remember back in my day, when I would take the puck coast to coast, often times with my eyes closed, I would here Hot Dog and Jesus screaming at the top of their lungs, even in a filled Agganis Arena. Their words were so motivating, so empowering - it made being an athlete truly enjoyable. It's because of you, the fans, that us athletes compete. That's why HD and J gave you the fans a choice - here are the nominees for the fan favorite:

McKinley Curro - lacrosse

Jon Jonsson - soccer

Eric Gryba - hockey

Krystyn McIntyre - basketball

Mike Schulze - basketball

Drumroll baby, take us awayyyyyy:

The winner, for the fan favorite, as voted on by you the fans, by a mere nine votes - Krystyn McIntyre!!!!

*K-Mac comes up on stage and accepts the award*

KRYSTYN: Hey, wow, thanks. I need to thank you, the fans for voting for me. It was quite a year, and this easily tops it all off. You guys are the best - I love you all, let's have a great year! GO BU!

KODJO: Bam, there you go - day 2 down. More to come tomorrow. More awards, some performances, possibly another rave - who knows? I'll be here, and I hope to see your shining face again. PEACE YA'LL!

1 comment:

EdNick said...

what about tunde or creekmore (though he's leaving) for best reserve?!?! and wasn't it suppose to be vinny not victor sap for rookie of the year or whatever? or was it? I NEED MORE HD&J AWARDS THE SUSPENSE KILLS ME ITS LIKE A DRUG!!!! :-)