February 16, 2009

That Only Kind Of Blew Up In My Face

So I wrote this, basically sucking off the basketball team for their winning streak. Then they drop two straight to the top two teams in the conference.

The way it's looking now is that BU should finish third in conference play and draw either New Hampshire, UMBC, or Albany in their first round game. The tournament is at Albany, so I pray to God we don't have to face them.

Anyways, I, along with my co-fans, were holding up lots of condoms at the Binghamton basketball game Saturday. No one seemed to know why! Here's why:

"[fakeBU basketballer, and number 3, Malik] Alvin was arrested by Town of Vestal police on Nov. 6, for the alleged assault of an elderly woman and theft on Oct. 26. Police said Alvin was fleeing from Wal-Mart, where he was allegedly stealing a 36-pack of Trojan Magnum Condoms when he knocked over a 66-year-old woman, inflicting a concussion."



As I've said before, when you're playing D1 basketball, and going to school for free, you don't behave like that. You don't do that to 66-year old woman. And when you do, and you're coach somehow doesn't kick you off the team, you should be subjected to the worst type of treatment by opposing fans possible. For all I know, I was the first student at a school to ever treat him like that, which is a shame to me.

And hey, at the end of the day, the State University of Binghamton is still giving out free condoms, just as they had when Malik went all 5-finger discount in Wal-Mart.

During lay-up lines during halftime I walked up to the court and offered him the box of love gloves I had with me as he passed by. He looked at it and laughed. His teammate behind him (white guy, bench player) also laughed. I suppose that's the only attitude you can adopt when all this happens.

I'm sure (hoping) he's learned from what he did, but there isn't a chance I wasn't going to try to get into his head at this game. I think I did okay - he was 0-2 with an airball and only 16 minutes played.

It doesn't really matter, because the real BU basketball team lost.

Malik Alvin: stolen condoms this season: 36. Stolen basketballs in games this season: 29. Wouldn't it be embarrassing if he didn't hit the mark?

Anyways, back to real BU basketball. The regular season is so close to the end. I hope that the team can battle through the fatigue and how exhaustedthey must be with a 7 player lineup. Stony Brook is on Wednesday.

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