July 1, 2008

The Hot Dog and Jesus Awards Day 15

COLTON: Hi folks, Colton Bozigian here with ya today. Some of you are probably asking, "hey, where's the lovable host of the Hot Dog and Jesus Awards, known as Jonah?" Well, I'm sad to say that an offstage incident has forced Hot Dog and Jesus to terminate the very talented MC's contract. Let's just say he went Shawn Chacon on the Hot Dog and things were never really the same. Needless to say, Paul, the 118 security guard promptly showed Jonah the exit. 

Despite that the show must go on - and who better to carry the torch the next three days other than yours truly - Colton Bozigian. Ya see, I lived with Hot Dog and Jesus for an entire year. I know their biggest strengths, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities - I'm not going to exploit any of these, I'm just gonna try to outdo Jonah, which will probably be no easy task. I mean, he is a Lifetime Achievement Award winner.

So, let's try to put all of that aside and move on. To introduce our next award, ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for MANTON!

MANTON: Hello everybody. I guess I'm happy to be part of this absurdly self-aggrandizing ceremony. For godsakes, Hot Dog and Jesus won their own award! I want to rant and rave about all this, but I'm just gonna dance instead.

*Rips off suit to reveal Tom Morrow Coast-to-Coast T-Shirt. Proceeds dancing on stage with self for 10 minutes*

That was refreshing. And now our nominees for The Funniest Moment of the Year. This award is going to go to the moment that made the most people laugh and feel better about themselves. I for one did not smile at all the entire year, except when I was forcing Hot Dog's face into my frontal bits. The nominees are:

Flute Guy maintaining dominant status on his Perch at BU-Stony Brook Women's basketball game

Hot Dog's flag top flying off it's stick and onto the court during a UDeleware free throw

How much more self-aggrandizing could they be? Really. Half the nominees are them. Whatever, I don't have to deal with them or any of BU athletics ever again.

*Presents middle finger*

Drum roll please...

The winner for the Funniest Moment of this past year goes to.....


FLUTE GUY: Thank you kindly. I have to thank myself and myself alone. All of you are mere mortals compared to I and I plan to prove that to you again next year. Women, please Facebook Friend me if you are DTF. I thank the Hot Dog and Jesus for giving me this award. I'm glad I bring enjoyment and entertainment to everyone. Thank you.

*Crowd goes crazy in applause. Women are seen stripping their close off. Paul the 118 security guard must restrain the half-clothed women from rushing on stage and mauling Flute Guy.*

COLTON: Wow, exciting stuff. I had fun as my first day as host. I bet you did. Eh? Come on give it up, let's get a round applause for me and my first day as host! Did I do as good as Jonah if not better?

*Crowd goes nuts - seem to be loving Colt > Jonah*

Yeah! Thanks people. I'll be back tomorrow to do it all again. I hope you're pumped because these awards are sadly coming to close. Until next time, I'm Colton Bozigian.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

"women please facebook friend me if your are DTF"
hilarity....pure awesomeness