June 22, 2008

The Hot Dog and Jesus Awards Day 7

JONAH: Hello all and welcome back to another day of epic awards. I'm pumped to get this thing started I hope you're pumped. Come on, get pumped.

*Crowd applauds, gets pumped*

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Get hyped! Get ready! I'm not gonna delay any longer. Today's award might be the most debatable, most risque, most intriguing of them all. I'll let the presenter fill you in on what it is. And that presenter, ladies and gentlemen...he's made multiple cameo apperances at a number of Boston University sporting events this year...it's the one, the only...THE BANANA!


*Runs over to giant statue of the Hot Dog award and commences humping it. Crowd looks confused*

I'm sorry, I just had to get that out of my system. I feel relieved.

*Runs back stage and comes back out with a TV, plugged in back stage somewhere. He turns it on*

OOOOhhhh! Got you good! Again, I'm sorry, I just had to get that out of my system.

*Breaks TV with hammer*

Woo Woo!!
You know what time it is? Hmmm. *Checks wrist where a watch would be*


WOO. I just finally needed to get that out of my system. I'm good now.

Okay. Now to do what I'm here to do - present an award. And what an award it is. Perhaps the most controversial award in the history of awards, but they went there. The Hot Dog and Jesus went there. And I'm kind of glad they did. Probably so are 70% of the males at BU, and about 11% of the females.

I'm not going to wait any longer. I need everyone to know what I'm talking about - here are your nominees for the Hottest Athlete, excluding dance team members:

Xan Weitzel, Lacrosse
Best known for: Having an X in her first name/being hot

Elizabeth Corrao, Tennis
Best known for: Nastiness at tennis/being hot

Jenny Taft, Lacrosse
Best known for: Being Matt Gilroy's girlfriend/being hot

Ashley Leichliter, Hockey
Best known for: Haling from PA/being hot

Rachel Klein, Lacrosse
Best known for: Emerging as the Terriers future goalie/being hot

Jesus Christ, it's hot in here. These NomiDEEZ. *Pause* Nomi-DEEZ NUTZZ!!!

*Crowd looks puzzled*


*Runs back stage with his hands waving in the air, screaming. Runs back on stage.*

I'm sorry, I just had to get that out of my system. Now, to announce the winner. I'm sure it was no easy decision. I'm sure it wasn't even an easy decision to determine the nominees, but only one can win, that's just the way it is. Drum roll please....

The winner for the Hottest Athlete in the 2007-2008 athletic season, judged on skillz and lookz....


*Jenny walks up from the audience to the stage. She is ushered, arm-in-arm, by her boyfriend Matt Gilroy, who is in full hockey garb - skates and all. He wears his new "C" on his uniform. Erica Baumgartner runs up from the crowd to Jenny Taft and hugs her. They almost kiss as the crowd "ahhh's" as they just miss. They go on stage together as the Banana gives Jenny her award and hugs both her and Erica for a little too long.*

TAFT: Wow, this really is an honor. I mean, a Hot Dog and Jesus Award! That's something special. I'll keep this in my trophy case for the rest of my life. I don't really know who to thank other than my awesome teammates, love you girls! Umm, my boyfriend Matt, and Hot Dog and Jesus. Anyways, the other nominees all could've and should've won, but I'll take it! Thank you all!

JONAH: Did you see that? Did you see all those hot hot hot hot nominess. I'm schvitzing like a mule here. Just the sheer beauty of the candidates, it's blowing my mind. I need a girl. *Sigh*

Jenny Taft - a deserving winner if you ask me, or as Jesus likes to call her, Jenny T.

But folks, that wraps up the first week of awards. It's been real, it's been fun, it's been thrilling. And people, good news, there's a lot more coming - like the big awards - not to say that these awards weren't big, but the big big ones are coming next week. We're talking best athletes, best teams, best coaches - biggies.

Anyways, it's time for me to go. I hope you had some hot fun today. I'll see all of you tomorrow! Hey, and if you want to discuss the Hot Dog and Jesus awards the comment section is the place to do it. Don't like some of the winners/nominees? Speak your mind people. Good day.

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