June 18, 2008

The Hot Dog and Jesus Awards Day 3

At lovely Garrett Coliseum.

JONAH: Hot Dog and Jesus day 3!! Are you excited? You know I am. I've been walking around, letting it penetrate and stimulate my mind all day. It's been exhausting, yet fun. And now we all get to enjoy another day of another magnificent award!

To tell us the nominees of that award let's bring out the next presenter - the one and only - he's made love to at least 35% of females on the BU campus - FLUTE GUY!!!
*FLUTE GUY walks out onto his perch, high above the audience, wearing a leather jacket, aviators, and smoking a clove cigarette. Stops and stares out into the distance for 30 seconds.*

FLUTE GUY: My people, college is about a backup plan. Let me tell you, many a time I've needed a backup plan. When you're runnin' from the cops and you sprint down an alley way on to come to a dead end, you need a backup plan. When you're doin' a chick and your condom breaks, you need a backup plan. When your top scorer goes down with a knee injury, you need a backup plan. These nominees for Best Reserve exemplified what a backup plan should truly represent. Here are the nominees:

Kevin Kielt, Hockey
Best known for: Hitting people without remorse, punching out people at McDonald's

Aly Hinton, Basketball
Best known for: Scoring in bunches, including a 35 point performance off the bench against Northeastern.

Tunde Agboola, Basketball
Best known for: TunDay - February 12th, 2008 - giving the crowd what it wanted the most - 2 pts

Stephanie Walker, Lacrosse
Best known for: 4 Games Started - 21 Goals

Kristi Dini
Best known for: Draining 3s, hitting last second shots

All worthy nominees. All deserving. Too bad only one of them can win. If I could I'd choose them all. Hot Dog and Jesus only chose one and that winner is. DRUM ROLL NOW:

*Slaps drumming baby*
The winner is...for Best Nominee...TUNDEEEE!!!!!

*Guard Tunde Agboola and his bodyguard Kiel go on stage to both giggling and high fiving everyone up and down the aisles.*

TUNDE: *Giggles* Yo ya'll the greatest. I appreciate this award. I know you know it means a lot and I'm honored to get it. I can't help but think the Dog and Jesus enjoyed my desire to do it for the people. I'm all about the fans man and I thank all ya'll. *Giggles* Keep it fresh ya'll.

*The crowd gives him a standing ovation.*

JONAH: Woopty doo! Tunde is quite the character. And Flute Guy - 3 women were just waiting for him off stage. All - completely naked. He is superb, it's too bad I'm afraid to talk to him or I'd know all his secrets. Anyways, that wraps up day 3 of The Hot Dog and Jesus awards. Join us tomorrow for more thrilling presentations.

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